The Schedule of the Festive Christmas Season; Nov-Feb

Recently I was asked in a Waldorf homeschooling group about the Christmastime observance and practice of those in our Eastern traditions, how long and when Christmas is celebrated, and the times around them and how we celebrate (there are variations depending on cultural heritage and which branch/church one follows -- some follow a different calendar of dates).  Such a big question! Below is a very brief summary of how we do things in our family's Slavic based traditions, with a bit of not-Slav thrown in. We also have some family personal patron saints to add in during this time, too.

Preparation for Christmas/Nativity/Incarnation starts on Nov 14th and celebrating big parts of the pre-Nativity narrative, and related story, occur during this time. It is our Advent. It's a fasting period (children, sick, elderly, and nursing and pregnant mothers do not fast), and every night there is a special reading or reflection to do along with a candle lighting ceremony and special candle holder that has a place for each of the six weeks and one special place in the middle for Christmas Eve & Christmas day. Depending on the household this evening candle lighting prayer/reading service might have an Old Testament story focus or a New Testament focus. It is called the Phillipian Fast, or Philopovka (because it starts on the feast day of St Phillip), and it goes for 40 days (weekends do not count amoung the fasting/preparation days). 

Traditionally, these special candle holders are made of wood in the shape of a six pointed star to sit in the center of the table. I made this one to hang vertically on the wall to save space and keep flames away from curious little hands. (click on the pic for instructions)

Our children get their presents on St Nicholas day which starts with discovering their boots that were left outside overnight have a candy cane left in them. Later that day each child gets one big gift wrapped in paper and ribbons that is specific to them. This is about when we start putting Christmas decor up.
 
On Christmas Eve we have Holy Supper: a long meal/prayer service that takes basically from the afternoon till the evening. It is loaded with symbolism in the set up and the amount of vegetarian food (it is still within the fasting period), and is meant as a blessing to family unity, history, and for the year ahead of the family. The day includes preparation and songs, and the meal starts when the children see the first star outside. It includes prayers blessings toasts and rituals interspersed with the meal. Our animals get the first food & first treats of the evening since animals were also witness to the Christ child's birth, and kept Him warm. If the children are old enough to do so, it might also include a play. At the end, our daddy does "fortune telling" for each member of the family from the smoke of a candle they blow out.

 
Christmas is December 25th and holy day full of church attendance and singing and joy. The leftovers from the night before are added to a few new dishes to eat during the day so that momma does not have to do a lot of work. Jolly times with family! and gratitude during this lazy day.
Christmas starts on the 25th and we celebrate Nativity until January 6th.


Jan 6th is Theophany, when we celebrate the Baptism of Christ (in the Western tradition they celebrate this day as Epiphany with a focus on the Three Kings). In preparation we decorating bottles for the kids to take to church. Water is blessed then (churches that are located near a body of water like a river or lake might process there to bless it), and each kiddo gets their own bottle to fill with Theophany holy water, and we also fill big bottles for our home use. We talk about how the whole world is washed clean in blessing.

We celebrate the Wise Men on Jan 7th, and the story of the Magi's journey captures young imaginations in so many ways! There is always something to focus on each year and related crafts to make that help plant the seeds for understanding this important part of the story later on.
We leave the Nativity things up for a little while longer for the children to explore the story a bit more, and then Nativity items get packed away and the tree comes down. The rest of the Christmas decor and lights stay up.

On the Sunday closest to Feb 2nd, the Presentation in the Temple, we bless the candles for our homes for the coming year. We spend the preceding weeks taking inventory of what we need, and making candles. Then we arrange them neatly in a basket to take to church where everyone places their baskets up front to be blessed.

The festive season continues until February altho' within that Christmas season we might no longer be focusing on the Nativity story part of it as strongly after the 6th, there is a lot more story & fun stuff in there. We leave up all our decorations and garlands until Feb when we take most of them down. I still leave up greenery which we can decorate with other fun things until Spring. 

February also begins the season of house blessings! The priest comes to your house and blesses it all, and then you follow to the next house of the person in your area, and end up at one last person's house for a party all together. These prayers are not spoken but sung, so it's a day full of singing, holy water, candles, and then feasting with friends. The priest walks around with holy water, and blesses every bit of it while we sing. I make sure to have all our cupboards and closets open to also get the nooks & crannys blessed. Sometimes there is a toast and some goodies to eat before going to the next house. It can be a lovely community building event. It also encourage not being too dormant during the cold months -- we don't have "Spring Cleaning", we have hurry-and-rush-Winter-house-blessing-cleaning.


When the Christmas season is done, and we pack away the decor, we get a small breather before preparing for the next festal season: Pascha/Easter! 

Everyone has Their Own Household Chores

I cannot do it all on my own. All my kids have age-appropriate jobs that they do, and everyone helps out. Often, that help is far from perfect, and sometimes it makes the messes worse. Everyone does necessary tasks and I accept the imperfection of it.

When the littles get older the quality of work will improve, but only is the seeds are planted now. My two big kids are already loads of helpfulness and do their work without a hitch. It is SO IMPORTANT that they learn these are things that are normal to do, they need to be done, that they are capable of doing it, and that we value their contributions to the house.

Since many of my children are not reading yet, pictures help. These free printable laundry labels are on their drawers to make it easy to find and out things away. 

See this? This is not me.

Chores in my house:

Everyone has to hop-to when mommy says "Let's tidy up!" and I say something like, "find 5 things that don't belong and put them where they go", and even the toddler tries to be a part of that. It's fast, imprecise, and it happens a few times a day. Also, "who wants to play with little brother in the bathtub" is also a 'job' that could be anyone.

My 10yr old sorts the laundry, puts away her own laundry & helps one of the littles put away theirs, assists at tidy-up times, sometimes sweeps, and is kinda of an all around helper for thing that might come up.
 
My 8 yr old switches out the laundry machines, helps clear & clean the table, puts away her own laundry, helps one of the little put theirs away, assist at tidy up times, and is in charge of the shoe area.
 
My 6yr old and 4.5 yr old put their own laundry away (sometimes with help), and help pick up bits o' garbage (usually old coloring pages & bits of paper), and help with misc tidying time. Sometimes the 6 yr old likes to sort & put away the flatware.
 
adults:  Daddy takes out the garbage/s. I do the dishes and am in charge of food and pretty much everything else. Once a week I hire cleaning help come in and we knock out all the grime and dirt.

Mocking Children's Pain is Not Okay

Sometimes the outbursts of our children really are hilarious to us -- but that doesn't mean they aren't worthy of respect and their emotional state should not be treated with the appropriate level of seriousness with which they are experiencing it.  

Recently, this has been making the rounds, and I'm sure it will continue to "Why My Kid is Crying"  http://themetapicture.com/why-my-kid-is-crying/

It's upsetting, It's abusive. The amount of traffic this site gets shows that people think it's okay to perpetuate this kind of public ridicule of another person is okay; that it is acceptable and good for public amusement. 

It dismisses and disregards the kid's experience, it mocks their struggles, it projects on them meaning instead of trying to observe, listen, validate, it makes other people's pain an entertainment, and it objectifies the child and removes all respect for what they are experiencing and who they are. THAT IS NOT OKAY. 

The adults who took these pictures might not think they are doing any harm, but the notion that the kid doesn't understand what is going on is a very damage-causing motivation that will have repercussion far beyond just one picture.

Trivializing other people's lives for our own entertainment and pleasure (even worse, the pleasure is in thinking how stupid & over-the-top the kids' reactions are) is a particular brand/kind/style of wrong that I just can't make itokay no matter what way I spin it.

It's even worse in this case because not only are these kids sweet little innocents, but I expect they are being trivialized by the very people who are supposed to make them feel safe, loved, and whole.

It's one thing to witness an emotional outburst in the moment, but memorialising it, taking the time to take a photo, and then to share it around as an object of ridicule for amusement is just not okay.

Children's problems are proportionately as big to them as ours are to us. ~and even more so! since we have experience handling our emotional experiences, but this is all new to them. Being a kid is really, really hard. Learning _everything_ and at the same item having to experience it is really, really hard. 

Every experience is new and complicated, and at the same time self-referential and communal. A kid who drops milk and is screaming may also be in shock, have confusion at why their little limbs didn't do what they wanted, be experiencing concern over parental response, and so, so much more.

Book: "The Aescetic Lives of Mothers"

Based on the below review from Orthodox Christian Parenting. 

Also available here from Amazon. 


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Gleanings from a Book: "The Ascetic Lives of Mothers: a Prayer Book for Orthodox Moms" by Annalisa Boyd

“I heard it said once that motherhood is a type of asceticism. Like the ascetics, mothers find themselves in a situation that requires their utter devotion, self-denial, daily emotional exercises, facing extreme challenges, and much prayer.” (p.17-18)

Those of us who are mothers know this to be true. There are many moments in each day when we give up our own desires to meet the needs of those around us; especially those of our children. How, then, do we have time to “pray without ceasing” while meeting those needs? Annalisa Boyd meets that question head-on in the introduction to her uplifting and helpful book, The Ascetic Lives of Mothers: a Prayer Book for Orthodox Moms.

This book is a must-have for any Orthodox mom who wants to prayerfully raise her children in the Faith. The heartening chapters at the beginning of the book set the reader’s mind at ease that she is not the only mother going through tough circumstances or wondering how on earth to live her Faith in the midst of the mundane tasks of motherhood. The bulk of the book is the myriad of prayers for various situations, which have been carefully gathered and organized by topic, and can therefore be easily found. The book includes basic daily prayers, prayers for times of trouble, prayers for the sick, preparation for confession, prayers of blessing and thankfulness, prayers through the stages of motherhood, prayers for godchildren and other “bonus” children, prayers for the future, and more.

A highlight of the book (and the largest chapter of all), titled “Tea Time at the Abyss”, references this quote:

“Stand at the brink of the abyss of despair, and when you see that you cannot bear it anymore, draw back a little and have a cup of tea.” ~ Elder Sophrony of Essex

In this chapter’s introduction, Boyd reassures the reader, “Let us step back and take tea together as mothers. Of course we may not be able to sit at each other’s tables and sip a perfectly steeped pot together, but we can pray for one another and be an encouragement. We can make a pot of gratitude for all the Lord has blessed us with and sip it throughout the day through prayer and the reading of His word. We can choose to face the difficulties, in the strength of Christ our Lord and lay down the idea that we must somehow bear it all. How freeing is that thought alone? May we take hold of even the smallest moments each day to enter into prayer, allowing us to step back and drink in Christ, for He promises to quench our thirst and give us His peace. Thank God!” (p. 38-39) The rest of the chapter lists topics from “Addiction” to “Special Needs,” which include quotes from scriptures and saints, as well as prayers related to each topic. (Note: some of the prayers in this book are prayers prescribed by the Church. Others are “simply prayers from the heart of one mama to another… (to) be used for encouragement and to promote your own personal prayer time with Our Lord.” ~ pp. 11-12)

This book is a wonderful aid to mothers at any stage in life. While it is aimed primarily at mothers, many of the quotes and prayers will be just as uplifting and useful for fathers, as well. It will be a much-used companion to any parent who adds it to their library and then faithfully uses it to help them to “pray without ceasing.”

“It is of great significance if there is a person who truly prays in a family. Prayer attracts God’s Grace and all the members of the family feel it, even those whose hearts have grown cold. Pray always.” ~ Elder Thaddeus

The Ascetic Lives of Mothers: a Prayer Book for Orthodox Moms by Annalisa Boyd is available for purchase here: http://store.ancientfaith.com/the-ascetic-lives-of-mothers/

Follow the author’s blog, “The Ascetic Lives of Mothers,” here: http://theasceticlivesofmothers.blogspot.com/

Our Musical Instrument for First & Second Grade

In the curriculum we've been loosely following, the beginning instrument for the early grades is a flute or recorder. Many people opt for the expensive tho' beautifully sounding wooden choroi flutes, some in the pentatonic scale, others a recorder, and some even get a penny whistle instead. There are many articles and videos out there to assist in making an educated choice. We first tried with a recorder, but the kids had a lot of difficulty with it, and we also gave a flutophone a try.   

We finally settled on this one. Yes, really: the durable, cheap molded plastic, $3.99 song flute that sounds amazingly mediocre.  No one would recommend it as a part of a curriculum, no one says it's a quality instrument (you get what you pay for), and everyone agrees the notes it plays are "just okay". But I would recommend it. 

It is really just right for small hands! The finger holes are not straight but in a curved line that fits a more natural hand hold, and the size is just right for small hands. On the other instruments we tried, the kids had a hard time handling them and we spent all our time on motor skills and no actual time on music. Already one has gotten thrown around and dirtied by a younger sibling. No problem: just threw it in a sink of soapy water, rinsed it, and voila, ready to go again. I also have zero stress worrying about a instrument getting lost or ruined. If one of these really tough ones actually does somehow get trashed (that would take a lot of work), then I won't feel like I'm breaking the bank to replace it. 

The four kiddos have picked up on it so quickly!  Even though it is still odd for them to hold their fingers in that way, pressing over the instrument holes, they are no longer struggling. In only four classes with it we found our "musical breath", good posture, how to place it to our mouth, and have learned our first two-note song.  I'd say that's success.

Also, it's so easy to learn!  The notes are directly in scale order one right after another. I taught myself with a few YouTube videos and took it from there teaching myself "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star", "We Thank You God Most High", a late medieval tune I can't remember the name of, and the St Martin Lantern walk song "Glimmer, Lantern, Glimmer". I think I'm coming right along (and staying nicely ahead of my students). 

Kids Belong at the Liturgy

Taking kids to church: It's a struggle to be sure, but it's worth it.  Stick with it, brave parent -- this is not an easy vocation to live.

"Let little children to come unto me, for of such is the Kingdom of God." (Luke 18:16)

Kids need to be present to the Liturgy; it is our Eastern tradition that the celebration is not just a message or a gathering, nor a simple prayer service.  Not only do children need to receive the sacraments, but they need exposure and immersion in the act of worship. The sensual/sensory aspects of it (sights, sounds, smells, taste of the Eucharist, and feel of the richness around you) is an integral and essential part of our religious practice. To remove a child from that experience would be anti-Eastern Christian. It is core to the understanding of religion in this tradition. 

It's up to the people of the parish to make it more friendly for the kiddos, and to offer support & patience to parents. And for parents to learn that this, too, shall pass, and there will be quiet church times ahead -- but right now is is the epic & awesome formative time to instil a love of the art & ritual of what we have to offer in the o/Orthodox tradition. 

I think kids being fidgety & a little noisy is healthy. The Church Fathers continually warn against forcing children to sit still and "behave" beyond what their years are capable of, because we want them to learn to love the Liturgy, to love to pray, instead of associating it with negativity, painful constraint, and thinking only "Is it over yet? Can I be done now?"

No child under 6 should be expected to sit still & be quiet for such a long time. I think that there is a balance to be learned about what level of "fidget" is acceptable that will get them through. My eldest child's godmother once told me "children's natural prayer posture is the wiggle".

If you are attending a Liturgy, and see some parents struggling, give them your support.  Tell them what a good job they are doing! They are trying, really, really hard. Let them know that as they get through this difficult time of the early years, that their community does not mind, and in fact loves to see their children there. These little people are the future of our Church. 


(addendum: Some people have suggested that my theory is all nice sounding, but I really don't know what I'm talking about on a practical level. At eh time of this blog post, I have four children on the outside [ages 7, 5, 3, and 2] and am pregnant with a fifth kidlet due in two and a half months to come to the outside. I have several young children, I know it's rough, I know there is a lot to balance. I write the above blog post not only from the heart and mind, but also from experience.)

How Sharing Works in our House

However a household decides to handle the squabbles that undoubtedly will arise, how you handle it should be a reflection of what how understand property and the relation of possession to a person and also to a group. At these early times you are laying the foundations of teaching these things to your kiddos. In our house, for example, things have very little value unto themselves, but the rights of use of the person are important.

So, in our house we do not force sharing, nor do we make rules to ensure sharing happens. We do not, however, tolerate things being taken from another person. We don't take/steal/grab, but we can ask, and we don't impose taking/stealing/grabbing by a higher authority (the adults/parents) in order to force redistribution to another person. We think that would not only teach many wrong understandings (such as a lack of burgeoning autonomy and personal sovereignty), it would also set a standard for outside control instead of muddling through and figuring things out on their own and choosing to take actions of their own volition.

I also think that children are natural share-ers and very naturally live in community, so as parents we just need to create an environment and example that doesn't hamper that.  As of this post, our kiddos are 7yrs, 5yrs, 3yrs, and 1.5yrs old, and this one rule/guide/boundary of no-taking & no-forced-sharing seems to apply well in any sharing situation or conflict of ownership/possession. That is, of course, to an age appropriate degree as they figure the world out :) 

If the person really wants something, and the possessor chooses not to share, and the wanter is relentless, then I will step in and guide the wanter to ask questions like, "May I use it when you are done?" "Do you think we can take turns?" and such. But in the end, it's still the possessor’s decision. If something was outright taken and the person wants it back, but the taker doesn't relinquish it, then I do step in as a guide to keep the boundaries. If things simply cannot be resolved and are escalating into a whole lot of emotion or dangerous activity, then the item has to go away and take a break until it's ready to come out again.

(An article with which we share a lot of similarity is "Why Kids Learn More When They Don't 'Share'")