Waiting, waiting, waiting... *argh!*

Oh, the waiting is really getting to me!  Being patient for things to happen in God's time is not exactly easy for me right now.  I feel like my whole life is on hold!  Right now we're waiting on the official papers/contract to get our own house on acreage.  I can't do much of anything until we get moved in: setting up house, nesting, homeschooling -- like, everything.  My need to nest is high, and my anxiety over getting the family into a workable space & routine before this momma can't keep for a few months is foremost in my mind. 


I feel like so much of our lives has been put in a painful kind of limbo these past many years because we have not had our own place to be sovereign over.  It has been impossible to establish a rhythm/routine in our lives: a physical routine to the keeping of the household, a rhythm to our daily activities, a schedule to meet our relationship needs, a prayer life that's more than just at meals and bedtime, and a kind of stability that we all crave.

I want that now. I want it bad. We need it for the health of our family.

Did you hear me, God? I said "now"!  Haven’t I waited long enough? Haven't I patiently endured pregnancies and births in odd situations? the extra work of every little thing I do during the day being three times harder than it should be? the relationship stress caused by it all?

The fact that my schedule is not what may be best for me is hard to take right now. The fact that God's wisdom is infinite is not a huge consolation/remedy to my current nutty-ness. 

But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord, I say, “You are my God.” My times are in Your hand;
Psalm 31:14-15

"Remember that God, during your prayers, is watching for your affirmative answer tot eh question which He is inwardly asking you: 'Do you believe I can do this?' To which question you must from the depth of your heart reply 'Yes, Lord' (Mt 9:28)" ~St John of Kronstadt

I understand the philosophy behind it. I even understand the theology and logic behind it.  I even understand in philosophically and theologically that there really is no such thing as "time". But I'm also running on hormones, here! amidst this fallen world, and very much feeling the physical aspects of it.  I've got a baby to pop out in a few months, and I can't alter that deadline.  I'm feeling there pressure of it both physically and emotionally, and this often kicks my intellect into high-crazy-gear.  It feels inescapable: I've getting hit from all sides (or should I say "insides"?)

I have little strength of faith right now, and that's okay.  I don't have to have it; surrender is just fine. Saying I'm scared is just fine.  Having strong faith would be easier, but this is what I am capable of right now. If this is the best I can do, then that is what I will hand over. May the saints and those who have come before me carry me through.

"Surrender yourself to the LORD, and wait patiently for him."  Pslam 37:7