Taking kids to church: It's a struggle to be sure, but it's worth it. Stick with it, brave parent -- this is not an easy vocation to live.
"Let little children to come unto me, for of such is the Kingdom of God." (Luke 18:16)
Kids need to be present to the Liturgy; it is our Eastern tradition that the celebration is not just a message or a gathering, nor a simple prayer service. Not only do children need to receive the sacraments, but they need exposure and immersion in the act of worship. The sensual/sensory aspects of it (sights, sounds, smells, taste of the Eucharist, and feel of the richness around you) is an integral and essential part of our religious practice. To remove a child from that experience would be anti-Eastern Christian. It is core to the understanding of religion in this tradition.
It's up to the people of the parish to make it more friendly for the kiddos, and to offer support & patience to parents. And for parents to learn that this, too, shall pass, and there will be quiet church times ahead -- but right now is is the epic & awesome formative time to instil a love of the art & ritual of what we have to offer in the o/Orthodox tradition.
I think kids being fidgety & a little noisy is healthy. The Church Fathers continually warn against forcing children to sit still and "behave" beyond what their years are capable of, because we want them to learn to love the Liturgy, to love to pray, instead of associating it with negativity, painful constraint, and thinking only "Is it over yet? Can I be done now?"
No child under 6 should be expected to sit still & be quiet for such a long time. I think that there is a balance to be learned about what level of "fidget" is acceptable that will get them through. My eldest child's godmother once told me "children's natural prayer posture is the wiggle".
If you are attending a Liturgy, and see some parents struggling, give them your support. Tell them what a good job they are doing! They are trying, really, really hard. Let them know that as they get through this difficult time of the early years, that their community does not mind, and in fact loves to see their children there. These little people are the future of our Church.
(addendum: Some people have suggested that my theory is all nice sounding, but I really don't know what I'm talking about on a practical level. At eh time of this blog post, I have four children on the outside [ages 7, 5, 3, and 2] and am pregnant with a fifth kidlet due in two and a half months to come to the outside. I have several young children, I know it's rough, I know there is a lot to balance. I write the above blog post not only from the heart and mind, but also from experience.)
I love this. Thank you for writing.
ReplyDeleteThe churches I attended in my home state were wonderful at this. I was a new mom and worried so about the babies crying and disturbing someone. The Khouria reassured me that babies are singing along in their own way. It was beautiful.
Unfortunately now we are at a church that recommends taking children to the nursery ~ and most people "highly recommend" it. I, however, keep the children with me, and as you state, "this, too, shall pass, and there will be quiet church times ahead"
Thank you for your words. :)
Thanks for sharing this. I love the idea that the "babies are singing along in their own way"!
DeleteThank you for posting! One time during confession, I confessed that I was unable to focus during Liturgy because I was taking care of my children. And my priest said, "Therein lies your salvation." Our whole lives--especially raising our children to love Christ and his church--are our salvation. It is a beautiful (though sometimes frustrating!) time of our lives that helps shape us and makes us more like Christ.
ReplyDeleteGood priest ;)
DeleteMaybe you didn’t take this into consideration but sometimes this approach is easy to say for people who are managing smaller families As a father of 7 and the youngest two being twins I have had to reverently take turns with my wife taking the kids outside to get them calm. On many occasions I have missed whole liturgies for this reason. There is nothing anti-eastern about that in my opinion. I think it’s not reasonable to have a group of kids crying louder than the priest can sing. To me this in not exposer but complete chaos,especially when you have 3 doing it at the same time
ReplyDeleteI did take all that into consideration. We have five children. We have friends in church who have more, all in the young years (and by that I mean 7yrs old and younger).
DeleteWe miss time at Liturgy, we take the kids out often, we try to sit in pews where we can get in and out reasonably often (which we must).
Because children need, and should be, exposed to the Liturgy does not mean that somehow parental common sense gets thrown out the window! Sometimes you need to leave. Sometime you and/or your kiddo needs a break. Sometimes it isn't going to work to go at all.
None of this, however, contradicts how important it is to continue to bring them, be an example to them, and show them the ways of our worship.
There is only one place for our children to be - and that is at the Divine Liturgy. If our minds are properly directed then we filter the distractions out.
ReplyDeleteWe have several teenage girls who are severely, and I mean severely, disabled. They can be quite vocal at times and one has to be taken out occasionally yet is always desperate to come back into the church as soon as possible. The change that overtakes them at the time of Communion has to be seen to be believed and brings tears to many no matter how many times this change is witnessed.
I preach after administering Communion and the children then leave for their Sunday School returning for the dismissal.
We do not have pews or chairs, and that makes an enormous difference. The children are free to move around, to light a candle or venerate an icon or merely stand close to the Holy Doors to watch what is going on at the altar. Fed up with their parents? Then they will go to stand, or sit on the floor, with a friend or another adult.
Pews and the like are a nightmare and a child will often feel trapped. Nothing worse that the trip-trap of little shoes up and down a pew! Take them out and burn them.
Regards Fr Pancratios
Bravo Fr. Pancratios! In the Southland,there's a saying that if your church ain't cryin', it's dyin'. So...shall we choose prim and proper? Or, follow the lead of Christ our God?
ReplyDelete