Maybe No More Homeschool?..

It has been a hard year for us, harder than we really let on. Balancing all the aspects of my life is not an option. It's not that I need to try harder, or change my perspective, or just try a different approach. I am not a failure. I have not given up. I can only cheat the cards life has given me so much before I simply must accept and play them.

I am frustrated.  I am tired.  I am sick. I am lonely. I am overwhelmed and it is too much for me. And I am on the verge of being too depressed to function, and am already past the point of being physically able to function (hopefully we can get to the bottom of that soon). There was a time when I would justify stretching and half-destroying myself to meet family needs, but it is becoming more clear that in doing so our domestic life and family needs are actually being harmed. Even if the curriculum we had decided on were still available (it strangely disappeared off the face of the web), I still don't think I could manage it.

like this doubled -- the older two are off creating their own adventure somewhere else

 <----  This from Simcha Fischer's blog, but it could almost be from our house, too. 






I have been very strong, and I have done good things. Great things, even. I am still a huge proponent of homeschool, and that will not change.  However, other things must change if we are to survive in half-way decent shape and I be able to continue to give my children the love and respect the deserve, let alone meet their basic physical needs.

Many people have struggled with not being able to homeschool, or having to abandon that route (if even just for a short while),  or making decisions they never planed to make for their child's schooling and development. Here are some blog posts that I resonated with on one level or another:

Homeschooling Guilt Trip

Why we're dropping out of homeschool

And then I quit homeschooling and joined a cult

Quiet desperation: a humbling look at my own homeschool burnout

I must never forget that my goal as a parent is not to homeschool, or even see that my children are well educated. The core goal is to raise my children in such as way as to foster them being the wonderful creatures they were created to be, in union with God, and towards goals in life that I don't even know. Although I never really lose track of this, I still need to re-visit everything from scratch from this perspective now and again.I cannot get in the way of that, even if it means giving up something I thought I knew was the right thing to do. I need to follow the flow that God presents to me.  

We have been on a path of Waldorf style homeschooling, and we are deciding whether to send our kids to the Waldorf school in the area.  There, they do what I would  want to do at home but can't right now with the exception of religious education (which I will still actively do, as well as the preschool & kindergarten years). The decision is all but finalized as "yes", but I still need to come to terms with it.  As soon as I do that, I know it will be easier to let go & trust God. I will not be taking a back seat, mind you, but rather a less directly active one.

addendum: I met with my daughters future teacher.  She is great, and everything I would want for a teacher of my kiddo, as well as being super willing to work with me.  As a bonus, she is Roman Catholic, and although that is not exactly the same religion & beliefs as we are, it is close enough that she knows where we're coming from.  This makes me feel a lot better.  

2013 addendum: Our year at the school was great! but since we are moving, we will be too far away to make the commute work, so it's back to homeschooling we go.