However a household decides to handle the squabbles that undoubtedly will arise, how you handle it should be a reflection of
what how understand property and the relation of possession to a person
and also to a group. At these early times you are laying the foundations
of teaching these things to your kiddos. In our house, for example,
things have very little value unto themselves, but the rights of use of
the person are important.
So, in our house we do not force sharing, nor do we make rules to ensure sharing happens. We do not, however, tolerate things being taken from another person. We don't take/steal/grab, but we can ask, and we don't impose taking/stealing/grabbing by a higher authority (the adults/parents) in order to force redistribution to another person. We think that would not only teach many wrong understandings (such as a lack of burgeoning autonomy and personal sovereignty), it would also set a standard for outside control instead of muddling through and figuring things out on their own and choosing to take actions of their own volition.
I also think that children are natural share-ers and very naturally live in community, so as parents we just need to create an environment and example that doesn't hamper that. As of this post, our kiddos are 7yrs, 5yrs, 3yrs, and 1.5yrs old, and this one rule/guide/boundary of no-taking & no-forced-sharing seems to apply well in any sharing situation or conflict of ownership/possession. That is, of course, to an age appropriate degree as they figure the world out :)
So, in our house we do not force sharing, nor do we make rules to ensure sharing happens. We do not, however, tolerate things being taken from another person. We don't take/steal/grab, but we can ask, and we don't impose taking/stealing/grabbing by a higher authority (the adults/parents) in order to force redistribution to another person. We think that would not only teach many wrong understandings (such as a lack of burgeoning autonomy and personal sovereignty), it would also set a standard for outside control instead of muddling through and figuring things out on their own and choosing to take actions of their own volition.
I also think that children are natural share-ers and very naturally live in community, so as parents we just need to create an environment and example that doesn't hamper that. As of this post, our kiddos are 7yrs, 5yrs, 3yrs, and 1.5yrs old, and this one rule/guide/boundary of no-taking & no-forced-sharing seems to apply well in any sharing situation or conflict of ownership/possession. That is, of course, to an age appropriate degree as they figure the world out :)
If the person really wants something, and the possessor chooses not to share, and the wanter is relentless, then I will step in and guide the wanter to ask questions like, "May I use it when you are done?" "Do you think we can take turns?" and such. But in the end, it's still the possessor’s decision. If something was outright taken and the person wants it back, but the taker doesn't relinquish it, then I do step in as a guide to keep the boundaries. If things simply cannot be resolved and are escalating into a whole lot of emotion or dangerous activity, then the item has to go away and take a break until it's ready to come out again.
(An article with which we share a lot of similarity is "Why Kids Learn More When They Don't 'Share'")
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